Why not the popular path?

So why DO I take the road less traveled? Honestly, I am not quite sure...some would say it's because I'm ornery. Or obsessive. Either way, I've decided that I'm not gonna take the easy way out of anything. Seriously. Ask my husband, lol. I'm as stubborn as they come, and when I get to researching something, I will do so until THE answer is found. And then I'll wonder why everyone else can't see it the same way I do. So bear with my impassioned posts, I promise they come from a heart of searching and sharing with other mamas, and not from a place of judgment or criticism. 

Before I was a mother, I was a nanny, a day care worker, and a dance teacher. I worked with hundreds of children, from birth on up. I KNEW how to do this parenting thing. It was so easy. After all,the kids in my care listened, they followed directions, napped well, and rarely ever fussed or complained. I never needed to punish them, they just did what i asked. We had fun, I had tons of energy, I never let my nanny charges watch tv, eat junk food, or leave the house disheveled. I assumed I'd be an excellent mother, have a nice tidy home, and have children who did what they were told, every time. Riiiiiiiight.

Then my first dear daughter (dd) was born. She turned my life upside down, rocked my world. She didn't sleep, she cried when I put her down, she nursed almost constantly. Despite having well laid plans for a natural birth and a blissful baby moon period, I ended up at the hospital, with an epidural, and dd had jaundice and was in the nursery in a billi bed. It was a hard, hard time. Long story short, I ended up severely depressed, sleep deprived, and what followed started my journey towards gentle parenting.

While I was pregnant, we took a parenting class at our former church. I do not wish to name the book or author, as I do not condone his material at all. Let's just say, the gist was the parent gives a command, the child obeys without hesitation or question, and if not, you administer a thorough spanking. Anything else was not biblical. And I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. 
I think my heart was in the right place, I wasn't raised in a Christian home, and I wanted to raise my children differently. I wanted to protect them from all the crazy of the world, shelter them and bring them up in a bubble of following my authority so that they would follow God...that was what was promised to me in these classes after all. And plus, I'm kinda controlling. Im working on it. Ironically, my mom fully believed in gentle discipline, and questioned me many times about my sudden change of heart after taking that class. How wise she was. I assured her I knew what I was doing, and that if needed, I would spank my child because that's what the bible said to do. Actually I had never bothered to read that part of the bible, much less research and understand what the context of the verses used really meant. I just took their word for it.

Dd's traumatic entry to the world did something to me. There is nothing on this earth like that fierce mama-bear protective love that comes after having your child. It is something that can not be explained to someone who has not experienced it. When your baby cries, and you can not go to her, it burns you to the core. It literally makes your body respond...your heart beats faster, your blood rushes, your breasts leak milk, you sweat, you get agitated, you feel this compulsive desire to GET TO YOUR BABY RIGHT NOW. God designed us mothers this way. It keeps us close, attached and our babies alive and healthy. That cry that can send a mother into a panic is a good and right thing. It is meant to make us move toward our babies. 

And so, in those first few days, weeks, and months, I began to question everything thought I knew about mothering, biblical parenting, and babies. It felt right to hold and nurse my baby. It felt right to attend to her day and night. I bought a wrap and kept her close to me, and that felt right. Slowly, I started to read more and more about attachment parenting, and, feeling like a traitor to my faith, began practicing it. 

What would they say? Those who taught my class? Well, I found out soon enough, when the teacher who I formally respected made the comment that dd was manipulating me because she was still nursing at night. She was four months old. I told her I just didn't think such a little baby even had the capability to manipulate, she was only trying to get her needs met. She assured me that she was not only capable, but that I was encouraging it. And that she knew it was hard, but she had let all four of her children cry it out by a few weeks old, to teach them. Her youngest had Downs syndrome. 

That was such a turning point for me. My idea of this woman crumbled. I loved this woman and her children, and honestly I still do. I have a lot of respect for her, her children are lovely, I just think maybe she thought it had to be this way, and it doesn't. I knew then that everything I had been taught about biblical parenting until that point was not true. 

Certainly the God of this universe wouldn't command us to do this awful thing? Certainly He wouldn't give us these intense mama feelings and then want us to ignore them? Certainly He gave the babies a means of communicating for a reason, not to be ignored? And yet everyone, and I mean EVERY Christian person I knew believed this. That children are born to manipulate us, to get their own way, to cause us strife and heart ache, and that we must control and manage them in every way. Sleeping, eating, playing, everything needed to be brought under our control, at all costs. Failure to do so was a poor reflection on the parents faith and devotion to the bible. 

I knew as I began this journey, I'd be walking alone in my beliefs most of the time. I have been swimming upstream from the cultural 'norm'. Thankfully God, in His infinite grace and mercy, has shown me some wonderful people who have blessed me beyond measure. Who believe, like I do, that children are a blessing, on loan to us for just a short time, something to be treasured and valued and cherished. We are the minority for sure, but that is the point of this blog...to help spread this wonderful message of Gods love to both adults AND children. 

I invite you to come on this journey with me, to walk the road less traveled.